"For the love of Christ controls us..." (2 Corinthians 5:14)
It's been quite some time since I've written anything on the blog. Over a year!!
So much has been happening in life since I last wrote my blog on Father's Day. I graduated college in May, and have since been working as a communications manager at a wedding venue, gotten engaged, and moved into my first apartment with two girls from college. I have been wedding planning, working full-time, trying to stay connected to dear friends, strengthening new relationships, and continuing to work through past hurts that still affect my today.
I thought I'd write today because I've been thinking about love since this morning. I do not mean romantic love, or the love one has for a bowl of ice cream (though that love is definitely real for me), but love as God meant it to be between His human creatures.
I am afraid to love people at times. I hate rejection. I have been rejected and abandoned in several situations throughout childhood into my adult years, and it really hurts. People can be unkind, unconsciously so sometimes. We all have fears, and sometimes we act in those fears as opposed to letting those fears drive us to the Cross where we can find courage to still love those around us.
I was listening to a sermon this morning by Paul Washer about love, specifically God's love for us. His love is unchanging and perfect. Nothing can compare to the love He has for me. We fear rejection, even from God, because we see all our failings, and those become our identity. So, we think that when we go to heaven, Christ will look at us with a frown. What naughty children we have been.
But, the truth is, that we don't really understand love. I know I don't. God tells us in His Word that He delights over us (Zephaniah 3:17), and that nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). If we really believed that, then we would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when we go to heaven Christ will look at us and beam. "My beautiful, beloved child!" He doesn't identify us with our sins, but with His perfect Son because of the Cross.
I finished out my morning/early afternoon today by finishing Please Love Me by Keith Miller. The protagonist comes to the freeing discovery that in knowing and continuing to seek intimacy with God, she can then choose intimacy with others. She does not have to hold back her love out of fear of rejection or abandonment because she has a relationship with the One who will never leave her or forsake her (Hebrews 13:5). It is in believing with her heart, not her head, God's love for her that she can truly begin to love others through sharing her joys and struggles with those around her. She can begin to love, and be loved.
I want to love like that. I want to love people without putting up walls around my heart out of fear of being hurt or disappointed. I am still terrified of abandonment. I am afraid of choosing a path that will lead to unhappiness. I am, in essence, not trusting God despite the numerous ways He has provided for me already. He has never forsaken me. Even in the moments when loved ones have failed, God never has. He continues to be faithful, even when I, and those I love, are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).
I would add that a beautiful way we can demonstrate to the Father that we acknowledge His love is by casting our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). For those who struggle with fear of the future, or honestly just fear of trusting God because trusting others has been painful, He wants to carry that fear for you. He wants to carry that fear for me.
Father, please help me to live in the love of the cross. Help me to cast my cares on you knowing that You are willing and delighted to do so. May I in turn be able to share the burdens of my brothers and sisters knowing that my heart is treasured and guarded by You. Please, restore to me the joy of believing Your love.
