Contentment: Wanting God and His Plans

 

“Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!”

Psalm 27:14

            The word “contentment” scares me. There is something ominous about the word when I hear it. To me, it implies being stuck in life circumstances that I want to change. Being content gives God a free pass to not change anything about my life, right?

            This thought pattern of mine has been challenged this week. What does it truly mean to be content? Is being content supposed to be a scary thing or is it really the key to joy and hope in this life? I had one of those moments today when I was tempted to wish my life were different or that past events had not turned out as they had. I took a few minutes to pray about it before trying to push the thoughts aside. I decided to open my Bible app to read the verse of the day just in case it might happen to be encouraging. You never know. It was, but not the way I expected nor necessarily wanted.

            “Wait on the Lord,” the verse of the day began, “be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” Wait for what? Past events to reverse and for me to direct the outcomes? For my dreams of the future to be fulfilled and before my eyes tomorrow? To wait for my problems to vanish away like morning mist after a fresh rain?

            No. The verse of the day simply said to take courage because He will strengthen my heart. All I must do is wait for Him. The verse did not promise that God would fix all the inconveniences or pains of my life tomorrow. The verse did not bid me smile for He would wipe away all my problems. Psalm 27:14 promised something better. It promised me God. It told me that God sees my pain. He sees my hurt. He will take care of my heart where others have left scars. He will take care of me because He loves me. He will strengthen me so that I can serve Him and others without hindrance—without continually looking back like Lot’s wife at what I have lost but instead looking ahead at what and Who I have gained.

            Psalm 27:14 spoke of contentment. Contentment is not a throwing up of your arms and a disgruntled sigh bidding God have His way and just keep you miserable. It is a voluntary deepening of your breath and an opening of your shaky hands to God. It is choosing to wait on Him and to praise Him in the waiting. Contentment is raising your head to the Father, even if tears blind your vision, and acknowledging that His ways are higher than yours. They are not orchestrated to make you miserable or to keep you stuck. His ways are to bring you closer to His heart. To embrace discontent is to remain stuck.

            How do I be content? I cannot be on my own. I have begun to ask God to allow His spirit to open my hands to Him and to let praise be the fruit of my lips (Hebrews 13:15). I still am afraid of contentment. I still struggle with wanting my life situations to change. I struggle everyday with even wanting to praise God. Yet, I know contentment is a gift that will bring me closer to Him and align my heart to His plans for me.

            I want Him and His plans for me, even when they involve the hard…so much.

 

My Hungry Heart

“He reveals deep and secret things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And light dwells with Him.”

Daniel 2:22 

            The heart is a deep place. A college student could be standing in line at the supermarket with a heart that feels as heavy as solid steel. Maybe she is worried about the future. The past has been so hard, she thinks. How can the future be better? The man at the self-checkout in front of her scanning a box of Kellogg’s cereal might just have lost his dad to cancer. Maybe his heart is pondering the meaning of life. He does not want to think that yesterday in the nursing home was the last time he would ever see his dad. Life would not be so cruel, would it? How about the woman in the professional Loft suit walking out with a bag of groceries and a skinny, Almond milk latte? Sure, she has a Lamborghini and an executive position in D.C but her heart is pining for something deeper—something more meaningful. She has money. She has influence, but her heart does not have hope. Maybe taking another swig of the latte will force that restlessness down deeper into her heart—deep enough so she does not feel it.

            Our hearts wrestle every day. The heart is so deep and intricately woven that it longs for ultimate satisfaction. It longs for love, acceptance, peace, and true freedom. Yet, so many times, we are tempted to fill our hungry hearts with the temporal to calm their restless waves. I know for me it is easy to look to my own reasoning to try and solve my way out of the restlessness in my heart. Other times, I look to physical comforts to help me feel wanted and desired. For a long time, I did not know that there were deep parts of my heart—very deep parts—that wanted to be filled. Hurt parts that needed filling. With what? I did not know.

It was not until I lost the temporal acceptance, love, and “peace” that I wanted that I realized the depths of my heart. It was not until the ground of my heart had been torn up that I realized that there was only one anecdote. There was only one way to feed my heart. It was to allow God there. To allow God into the secret places of my heart—to the deep, deep parts—so my heart could taste the light of satisfaction.

I wrestled for so long with God about the deep parts of my heart. I was afraid to let Him go there. I did not trust Him to feed my heart in the best way. How about the temporal things that gave momentary but quick “peace” to my heart? How about making my dreams come true? Wouldn’t that satisfy the insatiable hunger in my heart? Jesus knew the answer. He knew they would not. He knew that those temporal things were holding me back from the blessings and hopes that only He could give my heart. My own reservations were keeping my heart from knowing the light and absolute beauty of a heart prostrate before God. All its deep parts no longer hidden but exposed in the sun of shining but purifying Holiness.

            My heart still has moments of deep craving for temporal pleasures to fill those deep, sometimes painful parts. Yet, it has tasted restoration and healing in the light of its Creator and I am afraid it is hooked for the present. I do not think it is a remedy my heart will ever let go of. It has found the acceptance, love, and peace it has longed for since the beginning. I have discovered that only God can fill my heart. Only He knows the secret parts. Only He can understand them. Only He can bring them to light. Only He can give the pleasures of this life that are best for me…and my heart.