My Hungry Heart

“He reveals deep and secret things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And light dwells with Him.”

Daniel 2:22 

            The heart is a deep place. A college student could be standing in line at the supermarket with a heart that feels as heavy as solid steel. Maybe she is worried about the future. The past has been so hard, she thinks. How can the future be better? The man at the self-checkout in front of her scanning a box of Kellogg’s cereal might just have lost his dad to cancer. Maybe his heart is pondering the meaning of life. He does not want to think that yesterday in the nursing home was the last time he would ever see his dad. Life would not be so cruel, would it? How about the woman in the professional Loft suit walking out with a bag of groceries and a skinny, Almond milk latte? Sure, she has a Lamborghini and an executive position in D.C but her heart is pining for something deeper—something more meaningful. She has money. She has influence, but her heart does not have hope. Maybe taking another swig of the latte will force that restlessness down deeper into her heart—deep enough so she does not feel it.

            Our hearts wrestle every day. The heart is so deep and intricately woven that it longs for ultimate satisfaction. It longs for love, acceptance, peace, and true freedom. Yet, so many times, we are tempted to fill our hungry hearts with the temporal to calm their restless waves. I know for me it is easy to look to my own reasoning to try and solve my way out of the restlessness in my heart. Other times, I look to physical comforts to help me feel wanted and desired. For a long time, I did not know that there were deep parts of my heart—very deep parts—that wanted to be filled. Hurt parts that needed filling. With what? I did not know.

It was not until I lost the temporal acceptance, love, and “peace” that I wanted that I realized the depths of my heart. It was not until the ground of my heart had been torn up that I realized that there was only one anecdote. There was only one way to feed my heart. It was to allow God there. To allow God into the secret places of my heart—to the deep, deep parts—so my heart could taste the light of satisfaction.

I wrestled for so long with God about the deep parts of my heart. I was afraid to let Him go there. I did not trust Him to feed my heart in the best way. How about the temporal things that gave momentary but quick “peace” to my heart? How about making my dreams come true? Wouldn’t that satisfy the insatiable hunger in my heart? Jesus knew the answer. He knew they would not. He knew that those temporal things were holding me back from the blessings and hopes that only He could give my heart. My own reservations were keeping my heart from knowing the light and absolute beauty of a heart prostrate before God. All its deep parts no longer hidden but exposed in the sun of shining but purifying Holiness.

            My heart still has moments of deep craving for temporal pleasures to fill those deep, sometimes painful parts. Yet, it has tasted restoration and healing in the light of its Creator and I am afraid it is hooked for the present. I do not think it is a remedy my heart will ever let go of. It has found the acceptance, love, and peace it has longed for since the beginning. I have discovered that only God can fill my heart. Only He knows the secret parts. Only He can understand them. Only He can bring them to light. Only He can give the pleasures of this life that are best for me…and my heart.