“For God has not given us a spirit
of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
Is
the resurrection not a beautiful thing? Christ rose again and defeated death.
He made a way for you and me to come home to Him when our time on earth is
done. Yet, His resurrection also provided the key to escape the sins that so
easily entangle us so we can run this race of faith not with resignation but
with hope. Fears no longer have to have the final say since Christ has died.
The mistakes of parents or the dysfunction of one’s home does not define your
future. It doesn’t define mine.
I
don’t know God’s plans for me. Yet, I believe He will show Himself faithful in
more beautiful ways than I could have imagined or dreamed. I want so badly to
desire what He desires and as I seek Him I believe He will bless me and that
His favor will shine upon me as the sun on ripe grain stalks.
God
has shown Himself so faithful over this summer by providing me with more than I
needed and in many ways redeeming what the locusts had eaten in my life.
Family, friends, laughter, sweet memories—all good things from the Father
above.
When
the beginning of this pandemic hit, I remember how confused and angry I was that
it had to come on top of what already seemed like a famine in my life. I
remember sitting in my apartment in Hamilton, Virginia wondering why God
could possibly be doing all this. Not only did I feel alone but it seemed I was
alone. There were no friends down the hall to console me or the familiar schedule
of school to take my mind off of my problems. I looked at a small sign on my
wall that read: “Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God.” I began
to realize as the weeks passed in isolation that I was not alone. In solitude,
I had been sheltered by a loving Father. In my tears, God had leant an
attentive ear. One that did not judge or admonish but listened and cared.
Through that experience, I began to learn how to hear God’s whisper. It was not
that I had never heard it before but I desperately sought it like a precious
lifeline when the world was silent, when life was silent.
God
provided for the small things. He provided my daily bread not only physically when
I had so little financially but also daily. He provided strength when I had
days of sleepless nights. He provided constant friends who prayed for me and
showed their love, even in just a text. He provided delights to my soul like
morning walks and warm cups of chamomile tea and moments of worship with my Savior
in the comfort of my living room. Not to mention how He gave me an opportunity
to learn how to cook! 😉
Christ
has brought me to my fears not to leave me and laugh at my anguish but instead
to allow me to see Himself through it. To show me that what I fear is not my
master but simply a laughing liar. What I fear is not worth my fear. He has a
plan. In the pain of losing my plan, He is saving me from the worse pain of
allowing my fears to control me. In the pain of losing my plan, He is preparing
me for the joys He has set before me and to be able to hold them with open
hands because I trust Him, not my fears.
How
my heart longs for resurrection! I do not want fear to be my master. Praise be
to God who has started that work in me and through His Spirit is giving me ears
to hear His whisper and a heart that has begun to hope. I don’t know what He
has planned but something tells me it will be me laughing at my fear one day,
not the other way around.
Will
my fear ever go away? I am not sure. I may always struggle with the temptation
to fear but I am hoping and I believe that fear won’t define my life or
dominate my thoughts. My prayer is that I can live a life with open hands—rich,
meaningful—full of demonstrations of His fulfilled promises.
I
will keeping going to see what He does in my life. Will you?
